This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
