watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
