I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
