My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
MIDGETS
????
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
