I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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