the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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