can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
