You really coming over, don't trick.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
