I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You made out with two different species that night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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