If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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