Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
