I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
