how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
