so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
