Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
