to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
