The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
