I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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