I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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