Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just high enough for therapy.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
