hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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