I just threw up on my dentist
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
