Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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