He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
