i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This is the high leading the old right now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
