Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
