I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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