Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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