I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
