i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
