I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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