You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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