So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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