Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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