never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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