She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
