nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
