Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
