I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
