Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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