I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
