i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
