You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
