can we get nightvision for the apartment?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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