her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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