Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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