Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
