Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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