i just had sex bonerless
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When are your genitals available?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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