well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
