Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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