It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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